peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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