Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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