she looked like the bat from fern gully.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
