Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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