I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
