PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize