After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
