Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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