Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
