guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
