There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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