I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize