I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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