I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
