i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
