Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
