Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize