He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
