omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
