Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
