Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
