You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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