I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
