I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
