Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
