we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize