if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sarcasm needs its own font
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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