it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
There's even glitter on my cock...
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