The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I believe in your delicious
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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