Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
