My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
