Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
