she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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