I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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