Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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