; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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