Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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