Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
