I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
