honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
