he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wish there were birth control emojis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
