erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Quick, to the slutcave!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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