Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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