my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
