I'm gonna have a badass scar
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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