what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
