I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
