How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
