I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
