No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize