Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
