So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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