I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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