but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
