Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
