is your mom at the bar?
I think I died a long time ago.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
