Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
