dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
