I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize