New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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