my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
