Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize