ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
