remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
