nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
