I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
