yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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