is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
