I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
