Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
