Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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