yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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