everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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