can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
