Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize