i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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