Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
