A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
