I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
