Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
