honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
