I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
