Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
