Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
