If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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