Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
