There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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