On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
