He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
