that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
