This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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