Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
