His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
