Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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