I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
