i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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