her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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