are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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