the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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