"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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