How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
