Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
