my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
