Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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