i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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